@zenisha.m

Last night my daughter opened up to me with great difficulty about accidentally tearing her friend's fathers day card and she felt so horrible that she called it a "bad dream". I asked her if she said sorry and she told me she didn't, she couldn't. Without shaming her for not apologising immediately I said it was okay to go back the next day to do it if she really did feel bad. At this point she starts sobbing and tells me "I can't go to school now!" In a real difficult place of wanting to tell her it's ok yet knowing its not actually ok, all I muster up is, "I understand baby!" She hugs me and keeps crying, I let her. "Bad dream, my bad dream won't go away!" She calls it a dream because the event is replaying in her head. I told her it will slowly come out with her tears, with some kind words and some hugs and she's got to give it time. "How much time Mamu? 10 mins?" She has no context of time so 10 is alot and she gave it 10 cuz the bad feeling seems super high right now. Eventually I tell her she's a good person for feeling bad about doing something bad and that it was a mistake and that good people make mistakes too. She calms down upon hearing this, seems like she feels slightly better. This made me realise that in the process of teaching her whats good, whats bad, whats wrong, whats right, maybe we might have implied that doing only good makes her a good person. Thinking making mistakes makes her a bad person, seems she has kept no space for herself to make any. For a child who feels deeply, who takes everything quite to heart, this must've been so difficult, so much so that she doesn't want to accept fault because that might just mean that she accepts she's bad! I hope to teach my child that its okay to mess up, that our actions are not always a reflection of our hearts. And with a heart like hers she can grow, give support, bond and build a better world for herself, and for others. She's been called oversensitive for sure, but her heart is her strength, not her weakness, I know! ❤ #ZennOutOfZen

June 17, 2022